Esther: "Hello Death"

There are several sections of this book where Esther contemplates suicide, and sometimes goes through with what she is thinking. Most of these suicide attempts are ones that Sylvia Plath herself had attempted during her life.  Although ones first instinct is to feel sorry for Esther and her need to end her life, There are other thoughts that would cross ones mind She was someone who was so serene just being by herself, and when she was thinking about what was going on and what she was about to do herself that it could worry some but it encourage her. She knew exactly what she wanted and how she wanted to do it but her execution of some of these acts were a bit less to be desired. For example, when she wanted to cut her wrists in a warm bath tub, she finds herself unable to do this because she finds her wrists to look so pure and clean. Instead she goes about by cutting herself in another spot. The bath tub is of no use to her at this point. One other point when she thought of cutting her wrists was when she was at the ocean. However, she was not near a warm tub and realized it would not work right them. 

In a way, one must feel sorry for Esther for her lack of being able to follow through on what she truly wants to do. Her life is what is bothering her so much. She cannot sleep, read, write, or eat. These are all the things she onced enjoyed so much. In a way this can all be traced back to when she was almost raped. By leaving the blood on her face then she was showing her pain and wanted others to realize it as well. Without that blood there some people still were able to realize her pain and were able to tell that she had changed. Suicide attempts were not a cry for help to her but they were a cry for peace in her life. Esther was not happy with who she was and what her life had become. Thinking of death like it was a distant relative who she longed to see was something that she longed for even more then life itself. Fantasizing about what to do next and realizing that her body recognized what she was doing was a hard realization for her. She tried to find ways around this where she could trick her body, like drowning herself and hanging herself but both these failed. Then in chapter 13, she decides to take 50 or so sleeping pills, where her body is not able to warn her or keep her safe. 

This is another instance where one can see that it connects to Sylvia Plaths life because like Esther, Plath tried to commit suicide with a full bottle of sleeping pills.